"The MENTOR Marinade: Whos seasoning your success?"

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey. Welcome back to Mortgage Meet marketing education activities and tips for mortgage loan originators. Tim Cahill. Once again, sir. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Hey, good morning. Good morning. Good to see you. [00:00:10] Speaker A: Always a pleasure to see you. And you know today's title, the Mentor Marinade. Who Sees youo Success. I love, I love the chat, GG because you know what are they putting salt on your. On your steak or salt in the wound. Yeah, exactly. Or they add a little sweetness and making your life better. So if you don't know. Tim Cahill is one of my mentors, my sales coach. He's a business consultant for many and welcome back to the show. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you. It's a pleasure. Pleasure. This top. Oh, we want to talk about. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Well, first of all, Yard House was popular. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Has anything changed? [00:00:47] Speaker A: Are we eating anywhere else nowadays? [00:00:50] Speaker B: What's funny, we're in this more healthy. We're not eating out as much. So I don't get out as often to eat out. Reading more at home. You know, my wife and I read this book, super gut. And so we're trying to attain to our guts and stuff like that. So. But no, that's still the. That's still by far. You know, if someone said, let's go have. Let's go have a value orientated meal, I would say yard House still. Yeah. [00:01:13] Speaker A: Well, the nice thing about Yard House too is that not only do you get a good meal, you can also get beer. I remember when they used to have those. I don't think they do it anymore. They have huge ones. You look all crazy. You're like, okay, give me a beer. Lift the end up, you know. Yeah, that's. That's a real drinking problem. The problem was just being able to pick up the glass. [00:01:30] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:01:30] Speaker A: And the tab. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Who's gonna pick up the tab? Yeah, yeah. [00:01:33] Speaker A: Especially break them. So with that. Oops. We'll leave that for the. For the. For the janitor. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Yep. [00:01:39] Speaker A: I always tell everybody I'm a. I'm a VP and a janitor. Right. So we clean up messes. But. So tell us a little bit, what is really a definition of a mentor? [00:01:50] Speaker B: Well, I have a, you know, a couple of quotes I like. One of them is from some agent wisdom. It says, as iron, you know, sharpens iron, you know, she'll sell one man or one woman sharpen another, you know. And then recently I had a chance to join in the Mindvalley workshop in la. Two day workshop on essentially being the best you could be of yourself. And one of the quotes from that that I really liked was Gentlemen, speaker named John Lee was sharing. He said your circle shapes your results. And so let me give you the full quote from this guy because I think it makes sense. [00:02:27] Speaker A: So before you go, that's one thing I always have heard and I think my dad instilled in me, you know, years ago. It's like, don't hang out with those kids. Right, right. Like, you know that parents do. Right. Hey, they're, they're doing drugs or doing things because our parents know which we learn now in business, those four or five people you associate closest with you become. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. Well, there's some other agenc was in the bible that says a companion of fools suffered, suffers harm. Yeah. And so I have come to realize that you can tell the trajectory of someone's career by who's in their life. You know, if I'm thinking forward on how I want to be the best version of myself, you know, husband, father, grandfather, son, all those key things that actually are real life. [00:03:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:20] Speaker B: Who's in my life? And you can tell almost everything. So. But this guy. Guy's quote I thought was pretty good. He says, go through your phone, ask yourself who's lifting you up, who's draining you down. So sometimes the most loving thing you can do is is let go with compassion because your tribe doesn't just reflect you, they shape and they season you. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I think people have kind of con to that, you know, for the most part that who's in my life is really going to impact me. And every once in a while you need to, I would think more regularly than once in a while it's good to step back. And so we're going to do some actual fun things today for you and I to reflect on our own journeys and who. Who's in our life that's seizing us, helping shape us, who's in our circle. So why mentoring is. Because it's actually probably one of the best ways to become the best version of yourself is to have people around you that actually care enough to help look forward and help you get there. You know, when you and I started five years ago. [00:04:26] Speaker A: Yeah, right. [00:04:27] Speaker B: Crazy about on a napkin type thing. And in fairness to the listeners, we both have the same six working genius tool that highlights who we are. Maybe sometimes we could even talk about that. [00:04:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:42] Speaker B: But so Keith is an innovator, galvanizer, you know, and I happen to be the same thing. And it's just a tool that we use in business to help leaders become more self aware of who they are. It's a newer tool. [00:04:53] Speaker A: I love it. [00:04:53] Speaker B: And so. So Keith and I could get in the room together and create a hundred thousand ideas and we would carry the torch for a hundred thousand causes. We're those kind of guys. And so. [00:05:03] Speaker A: But thankfully we have the other people that have the geniuses to bring us back in, or else we'd have a thousand torches burning all over the place. [00:05:10] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And sometimes we do have a lot of torches burning all over the place. But we love it. So what can we say? We love it. So let me give you a kind of a formalized definition of mentoring. And it's taken from some research that a gentleman by the name of Dr. Robert Clinton did out of Fuller College. He and Paul Stanley wrote a book called Connecting. And then Clinton wrote a book called the Making of a Leader where they researched historical contemporary leaders and identified what are the, you know, what are the things that really make a leader grow. And I had the pleasure of serving with a nonprofit that was focused on leadership and development and organizational development from 2002 to 2007 before financial crisis. And it was just a great chance to travel literally around the world and offer some of these insights to other people of the cultures and things like that. [00:06:07] Speaker A: You know what's really cool on that note is that nothing is new. Right, right. I mean. [00:06:14] Speaker B: Right. [00:06:15] Speaker A: I got books on the shelf there. You read books back from 1900 to today? [00:06:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:06:20] Speaker A: Not much has changed. What's great is look at the ones who were successful and learned. And thankfully people like these guys made it easy for us because they put in a book. [00:06:28] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. And I remember going through the training on learning, mentoring. It was years and years ago with that same nonprofit. And I remember the exercise they took with you that you and I are going to have some fun with. I remember getting done and I was just so full of gratitude looking back on who actually sees in my life. And so we'll talk more about that. But I cannot emphasize how critical a piece of a person's development this is for life, for marriage, for fathering, for business, for performance. The component of mentoring is, you know, and so honestly, I think we're bringing a great gift today because it's stuff coming out of the non profit world into the for profit world. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Correct. [00:07:11] Speaker B: And I'm excited about it. [00:07:12] Speaker A: So I know some of you been running your mortgage business like a non profit, unfortunately, last couple years. So hopefully we can turn that into a for profit today. [00:07:21] Speaker B: So this is kind of a technical definition. And if you stay with it, I'll Read it slow. Mentoring is a relationship experience in which one person empowers another by sharing innate and developed resources. So mentoring is a relational experience in which one person empowers another by sharing innate, kind of like God given. And also develop resources, skills, and things. I've learned those are resources, so I'm giving those away. I like to say, and I've said it many times to you, mentoring is pouring out and coaching is kind of dry now, you know, and so that's. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Actually a good, good comparison. [00:08:01] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And so these are things that were. That I learned in. In the nonprofit world, developing leaders. So with that said, I want to transition with that definition to some fun with you and I. [00:08:18] Speaker A: Let's do it. [00:08:19] Speaker B: And I'm going to get a pencil. Listen to you for a minute. [00:08:23] Speaker A: And great news for our friends here. Watching, listening. I have no idea what Jim's gonna ask me. I didn't get his copy of the notes before today, so. Yeah, we'll see. We may be editing today. We never edit. [00:08:35] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so very good. So it's kind of a fun exercise. And the reason I wanted to kind of model it. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:44] Speaker B: For them, live like this is so that they have a chance to go do it. [00:08:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:48] Speaker B: So we're going to do it in two phases, and then I'll share a little bit about the mentors in my life. But when you look back, looking back, not since you were born, but early, since you were aware that there were people in your life and critical moments, critical times, critical situations and. Or good times, go back. And in the sake of mortgage professionals, we're going to emphasize the mortgage and how you got shaped. But even go back further than that. Tell me about some of the men or women that literally you say, yeah, so. And so that particular person, who were they real quickly and what did they impart to you? [00:09:26] Speaker A: Lessons learned, et cetera, et cetera, you know, it's interesting. So, I mean, if I go back to, like, my career of sales, I even think about that, per se. Right. I worked in a sushi bar in high school, and some people heard the story before, but the short version is I learned very quickly that if you had a higher ticket, you typically had a higher ticket. So things like bringing another beer to your good customer that you knew always wanted another beer, things like dessert first. This is a good one because I never forget this. And this goes to Keiko Tanaka, who was probably my first mentor at anything. She was the owner of the restaurant, and she empowered me to actually manage the restaurant. On Sunday night so she could have a day off. So, you know, I think back, wow, that is cool. Yeah. Which who knows what she's up to now. But I still remember, like, we wouldn't always have green tea ice cream. Right. It was like a dessert. And so you'd have your regular customers come in and say, you know, if you wait to the end of the meal. And he said, oh, hey, did you guys want dessert? You want some ice cream? Oh, no, man, I'm full. Right. Pushing the plate away. But if they came in and you said, hey, great news, Tim, you guys, we have green tea ice cream today. You want me to put a couple aside for you guys? They'd say, heck, yeah. Right. And then you just brought it. [00:10:45] Speaker B: That's brilliant. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Right. Take it was higher. So that was one that I remember. And that was thanks to Cave. So I'll try to give the short version of my life then. I spent a good deal of time with a company called the Good Guys. They were kind of like the Best Buy. [00:10:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember them? Yeah. [00:10:59] Speaker A: And I don't think there was a better organization that taught us about sales as a company. They would fly everybody up to San Francisco or Brisbane, I believe it was, once a year for a day of product training. Sales training before you even set foot on the sales floor there. They had a week of training down in Tustin. I remember going through it. Matching, mirror, role playing stuff that you never do. 20 years old. Right. And I had a few mentors over the years there, and they tried to think back of maybe who was some of the store managers. I wish I'd drawn a blank on the one, but I was a manager trainee for a period there. Right. Which meant you. You had some authority, you could approve a few things, but you had. The store manager was kind of, you know, helping you out. Right. Like to get you along. And Pete was a store manager, which I knew, remember. Lastly, Pete, I wasn't prepared for this, but right down here in Montclair, close to where I'm at today, I worked there and just learning and getting leadership. And there was a gentleman named Chris Magus who was actually an expert in the audio video side. And he really took me under his wing, that I can remember, of learning audio video for real. You know, that's one thing I would say about that company when I worked there. They really, really were knowledgeable. And so that part of my life, I think Chris did a great deal to help me understand and store manager an opportunity to get management. I did end up Managing for them for years. And then I had this great idea. You know, it's your mid-20s making 70 grand a year, doing pretty cool. Got the Beamer. It's like, I got a great idea. Let's just throw it all away, get in the mortgage business, you know. And the first gentleman that took me under his wing was Jerry Stapp, local here, also in Rancho. And, you know, we were. Had mutual friends. We used to play poker together. And I started watching him and his wife grow in this business, and it was a great opportunity. I wouldn't be in this business today if not for that opportunity. And from that, we did retail at that time, got into wholesale. And now we'll get to the more focused point of probably what's shaped my life over the last 15 years. Gilbert was my manager at a company called. Well, it was virtual lending, but it was living in private bank. And he was an amazing man. Rest in peace. He unfortunately passed away a few years back. He was not like a boss boss. It's the first time I realized a sales professional. I think I was professional pretty good as an account executive. You're calling on offices and to have someone who had your back rather than was telling you what to do. And he was the first one that I really experienced that in my life was. Was with Gilbert. And, you know, fast forwarding through life when I launched a cell phone charging company. He was actually ill at the time, but I remember he came up to Vegas, we had that. We had the launch there, and he was the first one to like our Facebook page. We made it live. So amazing, man. Loved having my life supportive. And again, I think he's. He's where I learned that you could show and support, not tell someone what to do, you know, fast forward a little bit further. Spent a great deal of time with Caliber Home Loans. Really, really strong manager there, who's a personal friend of mine, who's actually another guest on the show is Alex Delharo. You know, when I would go out into the field, he would come side by side with me. And, you know, they say in sales, the hardest door opens the car door. Right. You know, you go out, you sit in your car, and I mean, I've been doing this so long, there's. I don't think I get that feeling anymore. But I remember sitting there going, man, what if I go in this office? What if they don't like me? [00:14:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:59] Speaker A: You know, but you know, what. What if they're mean? What if they. I mean, are they gonna kick your ass? You know, I mean, like, that's. Yeah, no one's gonna beat you up. Right. But. But there's this fear, and that was one of the nice things about. You know, Alex would come in and he could talk to the brokers, like buddies. And actually, the gentleman I work with today came from that, you know, So I think that was. In this business, very, very supportive. Still talk to him all the time. [00:15:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:23] Speaker A: You know, also, Chris Mazzello was a manager of mine, and still. Still, you know, talk to Chris periodically, who just recently had a promotion. Congratulations to Chris. But, you know, I think that's really cool that you can talk to these people. [00:15:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:37] Speaker A: And I have been blessed because, you know, when I was at Caliber, we had a lot of great leadership go through there. Phil Shoemaker, John Gibson. I mean, so many of these people that we got to work with. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:48] Speaker A: I do believe I was fortunate enough to hopefully take a little piece from each one of those into the endeavor that I do today. And my. My current mentor is Cameron Ekmar. You know, we work closely together. Amazing man. So that's. That's my journey thus far. So. [00:16:05] Speaker B: And so how'd I do? So what's interesting is that you. [00:16:12] Speaker A: What's. I'm sorry. [00:16:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:13] Speaker A: One that I left out, who was with me the entire way, and I think of all the time as my father. [00:16:19] Speaker B: Okay. So I was gonna go. [00:16:20] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. You know, it's tough still, because I still. You know, he passed away a couple years ago, but, you know, even on the weekends, I'm working on the house, and I think, why does my dad show me, you know, what's his. [00:16:33] Speaker B: So what? Give me some of the things he imparted to you, where he gave you his. [00:16:38] Speaker A: Okay. When you go camping, you start a fire. You can only use one match. That was a game we would play. You know, you had to have all the Tinder just right. [00:16:46] Speaker B: How to set up a fire. [00:16:46] Speaker A: How to set up a fire. How to go fishing. Yeah. How to. How to pay attention to your surroundings when you're. When you go hiking, you know, we didn't have phones a lot, you know, and nowadays you may not have reception. You know, paying attention to where the sun was at or how the trail went, you know, looking for landmarks above the horizons that you kind of see. So. So that was amazing. And then also, my grandfather was very handy. He actually made furniture and stuff. I have a very thankful. I have a table in my house my grandfather made probably 100 years ago, you know, and so I think, hopefully it kind of Came down. People ask. I do a lot of my own home improvement project stuff. Yeah, I just like to do it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when it's done. And I do feel a little bit connected to my father, so we always share those things. [00:17:33] Speaker B: That's beautiful. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Sorry, I was gonna leave you out of that. [00:17:36] Speaker B: The number one part of the reason I was gonna go there is that the outside, this office, in the greater office we're in is his artwork. [00:17:45] Speaker A: Yes. [00:17:45] Speaker B: And when I, the day that I. [00:17:47] Speaker A: Saw you, I had not been mentored as well in the art capacity. [00:17:52] Speaker B: So what, what it, what I, what I observed was just what a beautiful thing for son to bring some artwork of his dad's in as and have that connective, that connective sense of his presence even around us here today. And so it's just. [00:18:06] Speaker A: My dad wouldn't want painting sitting in a closet. [00:18:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:09] Speaker A: You know, so. [00:18:10] Speaker B: And they're nice paintings too. [00:18:12] Speaker A: Amazing. [00:18:13] Speaker B: Yeah, they're pretty amazing. He was obviously very, very gifted, so. Well, great. So I think what happened. So I'm going to guess that right now, inside of you, tell me about the energy you're experiencing from that simple five or seven minute experience of going back and reflecting. What do you feel inside? [00:18:37] Speaker A: Well, I guess I do feel grateful for remembering these people. You mentioned that. And thinking of how they've impacted my life, I feel like I probably need to dig deeper and thank some other people or think of some other people that I know have impacted me. So I guess that's kind of. [00:18:55] Speaker B: So what. What I would say is we carry all those that talked about innate and created resources that people give away. So you kind of carry those forward, you know, everywhere you go. So being in tune with it and, and kind of being able to anchor where it came from, it did gives you just a great sense of gratitude, you know. And you've heard me say in the sales meetings before that gratitude is a posture, you know, It's a posture. And from what I'm reading in terms of some of the neuroscience I'm involved with and also just greater spirituality. It's the posture to receive in, you know, so the first time I went back and did my list of mentors, you know, they gave us an hour, so I filled it up. I have been blessed by some of the best mentors in the world, so it's no wonder I believe in mentoring so much. But the bottom line was I remember just going, wow, I'm so grateful. So I was really energized by the research and to who Helped season my life. [00:19:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I think it's kind of interesting to think that you mentioned pouring in. And the hard part sometimes, and this may be anybody and probably myself, is to allow somebody to pour into you. Right. Because, you know, it's tough. I don't think any of the people I listed, I don't think at any point I said, hey, hey, Alex, will you be my mentor today? You know, it wasn't like that. Like, after this type of discussion, I think you may want to make a conscious decision to find the right mentor. I think to your point, I was very lucky and blessed that. Sorry. My mentors found me. [00:20:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:37] Speaker A: You know, and I guess the flip side, I guess I was open because I respected them to receive what they were sharing. [00:20:44] Speaker B: That's. That's one of the things we. And this is a. We're doing a discussion about mentoring. [00:20:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:53] Speaker B: And this is part of a full workshop on mentoring and coaching that I do. At the end of the day, we're tapping on, you know, on it gently. [00:21:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:02] Speaker B: But I think that, you know what? I actually forgot what I was going to say, so I'm so sorry about that. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Oh, there it is. [00:21:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So what you're. What you're discussing is in the workshop we do for this. [00:21:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:15] Speaker B: We help you develop mentoring eyes, the ability to see what's going on. And so the process of learning about mentoring is learning to see opportunities both to receive, ask, and to give. And we'll talk about that at the end. So let's talk about the nine types of mentors. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:21:37] Speaker B: And this is from some research of leaders and how people connect and grow. The book I was telling. Described earlier. [00:21:44] Speaker A: So the interesting thing, if I go through this, do you think that I will see. [00:21:47] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm going to ask you. [00:21:48] Speaker A: He's in the people that we just discussed. [00:21:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:50] Speaker A: Yes. So there you go. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:52] Speaker A: Hey, I'm jumping ahead. [00:21:54] Speaker B: It's funny. You're an innovative galvanizer. You know, you and I are like a little bit. [00:21:58] Speaker A: I'm looking for. Where is this conversation leads me. Yeah. [00:22:02] Speaker B: So the nine types of mentors. And keep in mind, you can use a lot of different words, but these are the words that these gentlemen have used. The first one I'm just going to describe it is a discipler or an equipper. [00:22:15] Speaker A: Okay. [00:22:16] Speaker B: An equipping mentor is a more experienced person who imparts to you new knowledge and skills to grow. Okay. They actually shape your character and your behavior through encouraging habits and drilling down on core values. So this is someone who's Very intentional in helping you to grow. Okay. The next one's fairly simple, but I would say very important. The spiritual guide. Spiritual guide has lived and moved toward greater maturity in their faith. Someone who's got some hard yards in, they care and they offer their life experiences. This is you for me, just so you know. All right, beautiful. [00:23:02] Speaker A: Without hearing the whole list, I think it's the one that you, you always speak from the heart, even from in challenging times of my life. [00:23:08] Speaker B: You've been there with positive support. Well, yeah, thank you for that. But. Lessons related to greater spirituality. Spiritual guides offer accountability and insights for the mentorees spiritual growth. So let's say that someone's in a particular faith and they find someone in the faith with them and they want to do a journey together. You know, I want to grow in my faith. And so those are. That's what a spiritual guide does. A coach is the third type. The this mentor knows how to do something well and how to communicate the skill. The coach uses questions to help others discover greater self awareness. And this is the key. Taking more increasing responsibility for your goals and your future. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Okay, this might be the one for me. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:23:58] Speaker A: You're like, I don't think so. You're going down the list. You already know where you're at. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Well, I mean, to a degree, you know, but so remember, mentor is pouring out and coaching is drawing out. So we took some of the salespeople through a workshop on high paying activities. [00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:14] Speaker B: And then we worked it. I mean, that was fun. [00:24:16] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:17] Speaker B: For me that's one of the greatest environments for me to be. [00:24:19] Speaker A: When there was, you know, we did the live one too with a group of Moroccan. [00:24:23] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:24] Speaker A: Some of you that were fortunate to be. That was a great. [00:24:25] Speaker B: Yeah. So we used questions from experiences you and I have had on things we've done to achieve to create greater self awareness and help people reach their goals and their futures. A counselor. A counselor is a mentoree that provides counselor advice at crucial times such as decision making or transitions. They listen really well. They help you through relational issues, maybe burnout, grief, life's challenges. And so sometimes there's a place to actually engage a counselor to just be that person to help you walk through something. Okay. Then there's the teacher. The reason this is different than the others is a teacher trainer. They provide knowledge and the ability to communicate. Teachers offer perspective and enhancement to our life and vocational roles. These are normally framed in structural environments. So when you think of a professor or a teacher, it's a structured environment. More structured. [00:25:23] Speaker A: Oh, Right. Don Cortez. He was our high school drafting teacher. And I will tell you that, man, me and my buddy Mike, we took the class for, I think two, three years, whatever we could throughout high school. And at that age, you know, you're. I mean, we were crazy, probably, you know, not. Not the best kids, but you always wanted to go to his class, and he always. He would guide, he would show us how to. I mean, back then, we used to, you know, draw elevations and use pencils and everything. And, man, what a great teacher. To think even remembering, you know. [00:25:54] Speaker B: He was good, dude, fantastic. That's why I was thinking about some of my teachers when I was preparing this teacher, slash professors. And the impact ahead of me, it was huge, just absolutely huge. But it was a structured environment. You're in a classroom, we had a drafting board, you had tools. [00:26:08] Speaker A: They were literally very structured in their way. [00:26:10] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So the next one is a sponsor. This one really gets overseen quite a bit. But a sponsor has credibility and positional authority within an organization, which enables a mentoree to develop and advance within that unique culture. Mentors often provide influence, organizational insights, and a measure of promotion to advance the mentor's entry or pathway in the role the mentoring plays in the organization. So looking at Cam and I, I mentored, which meant I poured out into him probably three or four years ago the concept of a sponsor. And we talked about the times and places where he literally should be, encouraging and sharing affirmations and more or less talking positive about each of his team members in certain contexts, if they're a qualified performing team member, to be able to send the message to the organization that this person is a valuable employee, a good team member, a good leader, et cetera, et cetera. So. So someone who has that kind of organizational role has the opportunity to sponsor a lot of people, and particularly one of the nonprofit I was in, the gentleman that ran it, he would see young people with a lot of talent, and he would get him into mentoring and get him into processes to help them grow, because he could see them being part of the organization, you know, five, 10 years down the road. [00:27:35] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that's the interesting thing in life, right, Is the older you get, you know, there is something about wise with years. Right. And I think that, you know, the older we get, we can see sometimes in others, you. Oh, man, I just know this. This person would kill it. You know, they may not have the product knowledge, they may not have what they need, but I can see that their passion or their desire, you can't teach. And that's, that's the great thing when you get to see that somebody, they don't see themselves. [00:28:06] Speaker B: Right, right. And I think this is where tools like this test and the six working geniuses and other profile tools of self awareness help someone, you know, identify what their mentoring need is. [00:28:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:19] Speaker B: And so I have a mentoring relationship now where the person has. Is very capable, little bit of struggle, follow through. So how do I create tools and resources and pathways for them to be better at following through? Yeah, you know, the skills and the. What I'm working with is so strong, but that's the one little thing they need help with, you know, out of all the gifting they have. So that's a sponsor. So contemporary model. This is an exemplary leader who directly imparts skills, values, and lessons for life and vocation. So this would be, like you mentioned Cam. You have respect for Cam. He's a current model of a leader that you have respect for. They demonstrate a pattern of life and leadership worth following. You know, you. You see that it could even be, you know, another father. You know, you just see him living out his fathering skills really well, and you just. They're a model. He may never even know that he's doing it, but you see the model and you're attracted to it and you want to follow it. And then there's the historical model. This is someone who has passed away. So this could be an author, someone from the past. This person is from the past who serves as a model for books, biographies, autobiographies. Empowerment comes through example, their life lessons, their life values, and the impact of their story. One of my good friends reads every book he can about Abraham Lincoln as an example. And then the final one is number nine is called the divine conduct. And this happens by coincidence, a lot more than people probably realize. But the divine contact is a mentor who surfaces at a critical, unplanned moment, who brings new insights, discernment solutions, and resources just in time. You know, it could be supernatural encounters. You know, they just showed up just in time. And something in their world, just clarity came and they. And they shifted. So looking at your list, you know your people, you can take the time. Part of your takeaway assignment will be to go through your list and find out who they were, to be able to identify two things. If you did that, Keith, you would grow more in understanding mentoring, which at the end of the day, we talked about how you know the trajectory of your life. You'll. You'll. You'll develop mentoring eyes through that Exercise. [00:30:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:57] Speaker B: Going back. And we did it in seven. [00:31:00] Speaker A: Let me say this, this point for everybody who's been listening and you know, it's a lot to probably take in a lot of context. We're trying to give you a, a, you know, half day workshop in, in, you know, 40 minute talk. But just I think the one take, what I would encourage everybody to do is to reflect on your life. We'll put a link, if Tim's okay with that, to maybe this list of mentors and then everybody to maybe kind of play that game with yourself, see who's in your life, which one do they fall under, so that you can have hopefully better understanding of how they've touched you and shaped you, who you are. Yeah. [00:31:41] Speaker B: What, what? Couple of things I'll just share for myself. So I, I've gone through. So because I have mentoring anchor into my professional development, you know, I created a thing called the. The men. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Okay. [00:31:58] Speaker B: It happens to be the men in my life. And so there's eight that invested me at a very deep personal and professional level, and then there's eight that invested in me at a professional and personal level in varying degrees. And I went through the list and I went back and put who they were in order to kind of connect. What type of mentor was that? And let me ask you this. [00:32:25] Speaker A: As you did this, did you find that you had one of all nine at this point in your life? Have you had somebody that or do you think that, you know, are we going to be at full capacity if we don't have all nine, you know, if we get one or two mentors? [00:32:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:42] Speaker A: What's like that? [00:32:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Now, so one of the, one of the things in the workshop, it talks about, you know, the misunderstandings or the myths about mentoring. And so those are really powerful. We don't have time to go into today. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Let me ask you, because I do like that topic. You know, since we don't script here, what is, what would be a myth that you think when people come into workshops and you sit with what is maybe one resounding myth that you would think of people have shared in that kind of form? [00:33:14] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'll just read some quotes from other leaders called Shattering the myths of Mentoring. So these are quotes. I used to think a person has one mentor for life. I now realize it's unrealistic and even unfair to expect one person to impress, empower me in all areas of my life. I used to think mentors had to be in their 60s, but effective mentors could be in their 20s if the resource they possess matches the needs of another. [00:33:41] Speaker A: That's a great point for every day. Because I was thinking, like I said earlier, will you get wise with years? Right. But you could have a mentor who. Well, Camera's mentor. Mighty's. [00:33:54] Speaker B: So my oldest son, Tim. I affectionately call him Thaddeus. My personal story is I was. When I was younger, I was kind of a partier, and when I was 20 and I had a spiritual revelation. And so then. But then I was. I was parenting and he was like 14 or 15 or 16. I had that mindset of, I just don't want my kids to do what I did. And so I would say to him, you know, hey, whatever you do. And one time he just. He's on my. He's on my list here. One time he looked at me and he said this. So this is a. A divine contact. [00:34:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:25] Speaker B: Just because you did drugs and alcohol doesn't mean I'm going to. [00:34:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:30] Speaker B: And it was almost like. So he spoke the truth in that instant and I was frozen by it, you know, he's 16, you know, and so I. I don't know what that means for anybody, you know. [00:34:42] Speaker A: Well, I think about my daughter and. [00:34:44] Speaker B: You know, it was a very powerful moment. I'm not even sure I've ever shared that with him. I might, but. But as I was reflecting on divine contacts. [00:34:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:53] Speaker B: So what happened is he. He changed my thinking about my parenting, you know, and to this day he, you know, he is not, you know, he never followed my path, you know, his own distinct path. [00:35:05] Speaker A: I will tell you, reminds me of a story that I will share that I'm pretty sure my princess has probably heard it. But, you know, this business has been an up and down ride, right. And you know, the mid-2000s, I was balling, had the big fancy house and, you know, call me sure. Not blended. And everything was great. And then it wasn't and lost everything. The one benefit of making some money for a while was it had some pretty nice furnishings from the home when the home was gone. So, you know, I'm in a one room studio apartment and I've got a big sectional, which is really cool because that's where we got to sit and sleep and do everything, right? Because the studio apartment and big still had the big plasma TV right from the house. And I'm sitting there and I think, you know, Daisy's probably four or five maybe, we're sitting on the couch and I am just so depressed. I am just like, man, I'm a loser. I've lost everything. And I'm sitting there and my daughter, we're in this small apartment complex, little studio. My daughter is over. Daddy. I love it here because we're close to each other. And the other house, you were so far away. You know, we had 3,000 some square foot house for me and my daughter and there's a swimming pool at the apartment. She just loved that that was such a thing. Cry right now. Love you kiddo. And now that princess is out, you know, getting her master's degree in psychology. So. Yeah, but, so that was simple. One of those little divine things like. And just so, so derailed by frustration of what my life was at that moment. This little angel just comes in and it's like this is better, dad. [00:36:46] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think, I think because it's the mortgage business, I'm going to tell two more stories about mentors in my life. One of them was Clem Zaroli senior, Junior also has played a role in my life. But he ran for sport. He started from scratch. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:01] Speaker B: And during. [00:37:02] Speaker A: Know him as well. [00:37:03] Speaker B: Yeah. During one of my most difficult times. I was an English major so I had no business experience but I was a good salesman. So I got to my company by just, by kind of by natural just my brother sponsored me and I got going but I didn't know what I was doing. One of my, one of my favorite phrases I've learned from another friend of mine is, you know, doesn't know what he doesn't know. And so that's, that was my experience. But the point was tons of roll. He was over there in Diamondbar, I was in Upland and I went over there every week for probably, gosh, it seemed like, you know, forever. But probably every week I went for six months. My business was struggling. He had helped me out personally. Astounding. And he just poured into. I just, my notepad was just filling up with things. One of the stories I'll tell you is he had a two story building. Walking up the stairs and as a mentoring moment, he points the light and he says do you know how much that light costs? That little bulb? I said, no. He says, It's $50 light. He goes, you know why? No. [00:38:05] Speaker A: Because it's going to last a long time. [00:38:07] Speaker B: And every time I buy a cheap light it everybody people have to come and change it so high up. He literally walked me around his office. [00:38:14] Speaker A: What a great little thing. Like the little, the details. [00:38:17] Speaker B: Right. He was known for being really why and still is wise with money. [00:38:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:22] Speaker B: You know, and so but he poured. [00:38:25] Speaker A: Into me, taking you through the building of a big business and pointing out that. That light bulb. [00:38:31] Speaker B: Yeah, that's crazy. [00:38:31] Speaker A: And the light went on. [00:38:32] Speaker B: Right. And then we went to the copiers, and then he went to the appraisal file that he kept my. I mean, it was just a who process of how he kept his fingers in the. Into the business. [00:38:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:41] Speaker B: But anyway, so Clem Senior is a dear, dear. You know, kind of a father figure to me of sorts. But I would talk about him very fondly, and he gave me so much time. [00:38:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:54] Speaker B: And just for free, you know, I. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Think it's the coolest thing. Every mentor that I list, I'm sure one on your list. [00:38:59] Speaker B: He didn't pay them, right? No, it was a natural. [00:39:02] Speaker A: You know what I mean? It was like we maybe did business together, so maybe there was an incentive to them in my success. But. [00:39:09] Speaker B: Yeah, one of the most unique experiences I had was in the area of a divine contact. At one point in my time with the nonprofit, I was actually taking men away for a day, day and a half. Half a day with the idea that they would be working on their life and their life plan and. Or just creating an environment where they're listening to what's right for them. [00:39:35] Speaker A: Them. [00:39:35] Speaker B: And I would ask questions, and I would do some things like that. And so Daniel Hartabe runs Building Champions Coaching. Incredible leader, incredible father. Good man. And so he and I went to his beach house in Pacific beach, and we're driving there at night. I flew up. The stars rise. Gorgeous night. And I've had experience where I kind of get this can be a little bit cut into the supernatural edge, but I got to just be me. I would get some insights about dreams I had, you know, and I would season the dream, and I would just wait, you know, for what was meant for me. And so what would happen is I would get some ideas of what my future was going to be or even people around me in a dream. And so I was telling this to Daniel, and I said, do you dream? He says, no, I don't dream. I can't recall my dreams. I said, really? Wow. You know, so I've just not met someone like that. [00:40:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:26] Speaker B: So we. He goes. We go to bed that night. Next morning, we're going to do our debrief. And this was during the 2002 7, 8 cycle. So tough as nails. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Yeah, well, that's when my. [00:40:38] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:40:40] Speaker A: Everything gone. [00:40:43] Speaker B: And so he. He comes down morning, and I'm up early and just kind of doing my thing. And. And I said, so, did you have a dream? He said, no. He goes, oh, yeah. Yes, I did. Yes, I did have a dream. I said, well, do me a favor. Go right. Go right. Go upstairs and write it down. He goes upstairs to write it down, and he comes back and he says, I wrote it down, and I think I even know what it means. Yeah, that's pretty quick answer. [00:41:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:11] Speaker B: Keep in mind, these were one of the toughest cycles before this cycle that there was a mortgage. The dream was he's on a plane, private plane. His right arm man is next to him in the chair. Barry, he's here. His son Dylan's in the backseat. And plane runs into some very serious turbulence. And he starts to take care of Barry, make sure Barry's okay. Are you okay, Barry? Are you okay? You okay? And then he. Then he wakes up. And at that point in time, he realized that he didn't even pay attention to his son in the next seat behind him. And I think his son might have been somewhere between 10 and 13. Young boy. Yeah, he was so and so the message was, this is a tough cycle. Tough as nails. [00:41:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:59] Speaker B: But I want you to pay attention to your family. [00:42:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:03] Speaker B: And make sure they're okay, you know, because you can give your life away to a cycle, but it's only a cycle. And so when he tells the story, it just. It just, you know, don't lose your family or your life, you know, because of the business. You know, try to stay anchored in that. And I think, you know, building. You may not know the building champions. Their whole process is they start with a life plan first. They don't get to all the good stuff on how to become better. They make. They cannot make. They kind of push you to do the life plan. Because I think Daniel learned that attending to life meant the business was probably going to be better. You know, attending to family, the core roles I play, what's important. So that was a divine contact. I had no idea that what was going to happen, and neither did he. And then in a second, the trajectory of his. He went back that weekend and began to really focus. He began to pay attention to, not over focus on the crisis, but make sure he covered all his roles at home. [00:43:03] Speaker A: That actually if there was going to be a little golden nugget today, we don't know where things come from. But it has not been an easy cycle. Right. It has not been an easy couple of years, and yet people are having success and we're seeing that which is great. If you are having some challenges. Don't forget about your family. Don't forget about that being the most important part. Right. And I can tell you, from being in a million dollar house to being in a 400 square foot apartment, as long as my daughter was there, yeah, the building didn't matter. [00:43:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:35] Speaker A: So it's tough when you're going through it to think that way, but looking back, you know, a building is just a box. [00:43:41] Speaker B: So do we have time to talk about the mentoring constellation? [00:43:46] Speaker A: Yeah, let's, let's touch on that a little bit because I think that's really good. That gives you a constellation kind of like looking up in the stars and it gives you some direction. And we could share that. And then like I said, I do want to put in the show notes. We'll put maybe a link to some PDFs of a couple of these things and of course we'll give you guys Tim's information because we are trying to squeeze a lot in a little bit of time and it doesn't do full justice. If you have the time, reach out to Tim and really get a little deeper on it. But what is the constellation? [00:44:16] Speaker B: So as a leader, you want to develop mentoring eyes, which is discovering your own needs for growth and then the needs of others. And then in a perfect world, you. You develop what. I'm just going to show it to you one time here. [00:44:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:31] Speaker B: A constellation. And essentially what it amounts to is you've got upward mentors that are pouring into you. In the center is your mentoring needs on the external. Let's say you work at a company. External would be people outside the organization that are mentoring you. Internal is like Cam's an internal mentor for you here. And then downward mentoring or people that you're passing on those innate and those creative resources to. And so when someone has a complete, or I guess let me say it this way, when you have the mentoring eyes and the awareness of concept of a constellation, you got a much better chance of knowing that you're actually going to reach your trajectory. [00:45:20] Speaker A: So basically this, this is essentially almost like the map. And we want to fill in each piece. Right. If we. If you take this, write it down and I will do this after today, I'm gonna write who I feel is in each of these sections. And if I'm missing a section, maybe I need to focus on it. [00:45:39] Speaker B: Yeah. So remind me to give you the blank for you to. [00:45:44] Speaker A: There's a blank one before you do. [00:45:45] Speaker B: That in the workshop, you actually do these things. You actually go through the process so let's close with what I would call the opportunity cost of not mentioning, not being. Not having mentoring eyes and the willingness to pursue mentoring of some kind. You could become, you know, a lone eagle. Feel like you got to go it alone. What you end up with, you end up with little perspective, very little accountability. It's a threatening and an isolated position, and you end up with, no one's investing in me. [00:46:28] Speaker A: You might have some financial success, but you probably aren't going to have a fulfilled life of success. [00:46:33] Speaker B: I think if people did the exercise you did right now, they would realize there's always people in your circle. You know, what John Lee said is your circle shapes and seasons your life. So it's a very natural thing to think this is my tribe, who I run with. You are. You do have people giving their lives to you, whether you realize it or not. But being unintentional about it makes you a little bit more of a lone eagle. Or you could be just come authoritarian. You know, you have no accountability. I tell people what to do. This is the way it works. That's what I expect. And I'm just, I'm just moaning and. [00:47:06] Speaker A: Going, the boss nobody wants. [00:47:08] Speaker B: Yeah, right. And so then the other thing is, you can become an elitist. And this is where you have, you know, there's no outside influence getting inside of you. Your perspective lacks balance, it lacks wisdom. And you're literally the only views you have are those within your circle. You know, and that's, you know, I can be that person. I can be convinced that what I'm doing is right over what you're doing. And I just got to caution that I got to be willing to seek to understand rather than be understood. [00:47:44] Speaker A: You know, that actually is something that been fortunate in, in our company. Right. I worked for a certain company for a number, a number of years. [00:47:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:54] Speaker A: And other people I work with today worked at other companies. So when we started working together, we had two perspectives. Right. It was better than one. Right. I knew what we did to this company, this person with the other company. And then we added another executive who, who was at another company, another executive to the point today where we're at, we've got probably eight executives from eight very successful companies with different ideas. And gosh, if we didn't have that, if we were elitist with just one track, I think we'd be a lot more vulnerable to derail. [00:48:28] Speaker B: So you're talking about your current experience, correct? Yeah. And so the question is, how do you. So remember, mentoring is giving away innate and creative resources. Excuse me. So this culture must have something in it that allows people to have their own view and a confidence to share it as a way to contribute versus just. It's my way or the highway. [00:48:50] Speaker A: Correct. [00:48:51] Speaker B: So how do you. How do you experience that? I mean, that's a very powerful thing to say about where you talk about where you work. Right? [00:48:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:56] Speaker B: Where you give a lot of time away. So how does that get fostered here? [00:49:01] Speaker A: Well, again, I think it comes from the CEO. Right. I mean, I think it definitely comes from open leadership and also a common goal, you know, for the company to succeed, that we as the company have a common goal to succeed and grow. And to me, it may not always seem that way, you know, in a world of hedge funds and other things and not, you know, just saying they're different, it's a different business model. And the challenge with that business model oftentimes is. Comes at the cost of sincere appreciation for the people you work and grow with. You know, so again, that's. That's my soapbox. But I see that the risk of that. We wouldn't be where we are today if we didn't open up to. If we were elitist. Right. We didn't have that opportunity. So sorry for cutting costs, but that. [00:49:55] Speaker B: No, no, no, that's great. I'm in the middle of a start, just starting on a journey with an executive who's thinking about changing companies. And the number one thing I'm pushing is that culture is the only thing that's sustainable deep, deep down. And so I asked the question, what are two or three things that you would want in a culture that, that up till now, you haven't experienced if you don't meet. [00:50:23] Speaker A: You know, that comes from the, from some other training. We've done this word a little different, which is. I love that. Which is basically, I now use that in interviews. [00:50:33] Speaker B: Yeah. What it's easy to do is focus on money and technology. Now, there's a lot of pieces of that that are part of culture. Sure. But at the end of the day, there's some group, some leaders driving the culture to be what it is. How do you discern what that is? And when you find a match, a model match, it's. It's, you know, you. You'll work there. Not forever, but you'll work there a long time. [00:50:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:54] Speaker B: You'll go through ups, you'll go through downs, you'll take the pinch, you'll take the tough times, you'll take the good times because, you know, the culture is who you really are, who you want to be. And there are a lot of really good cultures out there. [00:51:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:05] Speaker B: And a lot of very competent people in the mortgage space that. That pay attention to these things. And in this industry, it's probably as hard from a leadership perspective. It's probably one of the hardest things to stay anchored in because of how quickly the things can change. This business companies that do are sustainable. And what's interesting is you just described your current employer as that group allows a variety of opinions, but also has a kind of culture that is sustainable. And I know you work there and maybe you have to, but I didn't get that sense from you. I think you actually believe that the culture you're in is one that fits you well. And you're. And truth is, you're. You're succeeding in it with cwl, you know, and your group at a higher. A high level, difficult market. So I would just say, you know, that's probably one of the reasons why is the culture. So with that a lot of content. [00:52:03] Speaker A: There's a lot of content. I feel like a. We will be doing more of these talks. We also do some of these talks live with our friends. If somebody wanted to reach out to Mr. Cahill, how could they do that? [00:52:15] Speaker B: Yeah. So It's Tim T. Cahillmail.com and is. [00:52:24] Speaker A: There a phone that you mind sharing publicly or do you not want to get blown up too much? [00:52:29] Speaker B: I wouldn't get blown up, but I look at my email all the time, so. [00:52:32] Speaker A: Okay, sounds good. And I'll also make sure we put that in the show notes. I really appreciate your time. [00:52:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:38] Speaker A: Coach, mentor of mine. [00:52:39] Speaker B: It's great to be with you. This is really. You're doing good work here. Well, can I just say one thing? [00:52:45] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. [00:52:45] Speaker B: Okay. If I was sitting, if I was receiving this, the simple takeaways. Because I'm always a takeaway. [00:52:51] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. [00:52:52] Speaker B: If. If you never, ever got exposed to mentoring ever again and never did a workshop on it, one is go back in your past and make a list of the people and the thing they actually invested in you. Okay. And then identify, you know, we'll make the nine types available, who they were, and that's going to create a whole sense of gratitude in you, and good things are going to come to you when you're grateful. And the third thing would be to say, what are my mentoring needs today? You know, I'm an account exec or I'm a mortgage broker or I'm a lender. What are my mentoring needs today. Write those out and they'd be willing to look around you and don't be afraid to ask for help from someone. One of my premises in life is everybody wants to help you. [00:53:35] Speaker A: I truly believe that. [00:53:36] Speaker B: Keep that mindset. Everybody wants to help you. Be willing to ask for help. [00:53:40] Speaker A: And you know, we said thank you. [00:53:41] Speaker B: For letting me close that out. [00:53:42] Speaker A: Oh, no, by the way, that's the best part of this is grab the little nugget, right? Listen to us talk for an hour. Most people are going to see 30 second reels. You know, that's how a lot of the content comes in today. And that reel is going to be the best one to catch for anybody. You know, be grateful, have gratitude. Think of those that touch your life. But the one thing that I think is always blows my mind. Nobody's keeping secrets, right? You can go talk to the most successful loan officer or realtor in your market. I don't think they would mind telling you exactly what they do because they know most people won't do what they did to get there. So don't be that person. Get a mentor. Reach out to somebody that you admire. And like I said, there's. There's people you may reach out to, coaching, services, things of that that may cost a fee, but there's people around you that would be happy to mentor you just absolutely. Just for free. So, Tim, thanks again, sir. [00:54:40] Speaker B: We'll say we'll sign off a second time. [00:54:42] Speaker A: Sign off one more time. Remember, mortgage me marketing, education activities and tips for mortal and originators. And you know what? Me matters. [00:54:51] Speaker B: There it is. [00:54:52] Speaker A: All right, take care. [00:54:53] Speaker B: Take care, guys. All right.